the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
