when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
