Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
