***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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