god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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