please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
