I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
