Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
