i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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