i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
