i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
