i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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