***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
