we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
