I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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