I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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