it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
