i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
