I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
smell my finger.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
