I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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