my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
