why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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