FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
high people should be assigned attendants
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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