I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
