its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
