marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
