I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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