I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
