so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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