As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
