I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
