i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
