Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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