Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
