I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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