Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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