i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
