Nicole vs. Life
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
