I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
