Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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