Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
