I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
