after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
