I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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