so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
