dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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