Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
