what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
