my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
