i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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