Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
