Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
