i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
